It could be anything you choose, if you KNEW you had the free-will to do so.
You are your mind and, although you do admit complete control of that mind, you do NOT trust what it shows you. The paradox of this is not lost on you, but you have no idea as to how to collapse that paradox and, therefore, you continue to distrust your "world."
You are dreamiferous, because the dream is abundantly apparent to you and cascades in vivid color within you. It fills your mind completely and you can't deny this no matter what limits you apply to that experience. The experience is always yours to do with as you please.
What do YOU do with it?
Some try renouncing it, escaping it, denying it, hating some parts and loving others. But it continues to claim your mind and it batters and beats you down.
Many have difficulties with the concept of "dream" or "illusion."
Okay, how about "idea"?
Possibly this fits better for you than that of a “dream.” Consider that every experience that has “outside” coordinates (time/space, etc) is an “inside” experience. It is only an "idea." This plays into “seek the kingdom of heaven within” (paraphrased).
If the “inside” experience, of an “outside” world, is not to your liking, what responsibility rests upon you to change the inside as opposed to simply lament the “outside” or seek, through relative applications of good-will and charity (not always amenable to others), to change the “outside"?
For centuries we have sought to change the outside and have generally failed completely, with little to show for. There is a growing movement that seeks to alter that equation. But they are not very apparent on the “outside.” For them, change is very much a factor of the “inside” but completely absent the “outside.”
In your dream you are victim to an "outside" that is draining you of all "inner" ecstasy. Your Mojo is depleted and experiences of a material world is making you into nothing but a "thing."
If you want the sublime you must dream it TRUE. Otherwise, it simply cannot be any other way. The rapture of nirvana is nothing but another condition of an infinite dream that knows it is nothing but a dream.
You believe you are expert at determining what you do NOT want, but have little idea as to what you DO want. Hence, what you receive must leave you, as you MUST always seek something else. The moment you FIND what you seek, doubt must enter proving it is NOT for you. Nothing has ever sustained you and, from consistent reliance on this past learning, you have preordained that nothing ever will. Can you NOT see this?
You are the cause of change. You do not trust your “self” nor do you trust what that “self” wants and makes real by wanting.
You have little choice but to trust in something NOT of “you.” This seems to be the most difficult choice you MUST make and one that you appear to be avoiding at all costs, because it is the ONLY choice you need EVER make again.
You are approaching that decision and the pain of this seems excruciating. But can you not see the experiences you have allowed your “self” only bring you closer to that choice? Can you not see that you do this to yourself and can you not see the reason why? Can you not see that you are and have always been the only teacher?
Trust the purpose of what you make “real,” because everything has a purpose. You may determine that you do NOT want what you have, but clearly, the purpose of a dream is to awaken TO the dream and everything in that dream must conform to that purpose. The purpose of what is NOT “real” can only be to show you what IS. Nothing in a dream can be trusted and the purpose of what you do NOT trust is to show you what you CAN.
That which desires to awake, trusts the dream to teach it. Your dream has this purpose. Trust in that purpose and superimpose that purpose upon your dreaming.