Is there something you’d rather be doing? Does your belief in what is good for you, conflict with what you actually do? Are there things you do that you’d rather not be doing?
Do you think you know what’s good for you?
But what if you have NO idea what anything means and, therefore, you give everything you experience all the meaning it has for you.
This is difficult for an ego-self that needs to DO things that are not just meaningful, but meaningful based on the world’s standards of meaning.
Yet, to play infinitely is to realize the world’s standards are finite and need not be considered by the infinite player playing finite games.
To play a finite game infinitely makes the game itself infinite, because the distinction between player and game dissolves.
Imagine the utter despair of an ego that comes to the realization that there is NO meaning to anything it experiences and everything experienced IS experienced simply because the ego gave it meaning. If the ego did not apply meaning, nothing would mean anything and everything would mean nothing and nothing is not an experience that is open to egocentric interpretation.
An ego cannot experience nothing, simply because, although an ego IS nothing, it must experience something in order to experience itself. There must always be something for an ego-self to interpret. What would an ego experience if there were nothing to interpret?
If an ego-self came to the realization that it gave meaning to every experience (otherwise every experience would have NO meaning to BE interpreted), would an ego then care what it did? Would there be things that an ego would rather be doing? Would an ego, which realized its experiences were meaningless, experience conflict from believing it should be doing something other than what it was doing in any particular moment? What difference would it make what it did or didn’t do? Would it then be free to do whatever it wanted?
But if an ego were free from all its meanings, what could it possibly WANT to do?
Would an ego, realizing that it gave meaning to every experience, also realize that every THOUGHT it “thinks” is entirely constructed from the meanings it has applied TO every experience? Would the ego then realize that all meaning is experienced as thought and every thought it invents in order to HAVE experience, is as meaningless as the experiences that make up the thoughts it thinks? Would the ego then attribute NO truth to its own thoughts and, if an ego attributed absolutely NO truth to its thoughts, would it still believe it had experiences?
Would an ego that realized it gave everything it experienced all the meaning it had, then come to the realization that it does NOT really know what anything means? Would it then seek to extract out and delete all its meanings, so that it could finally realize what everything really means (if anything at all) instead of only understanding the meaning it gave to everything, so that everything could be experienced as expected?
Would an ego, in realizing that its experiences are meaningless because its thoughts are meaningless, still have a need to “exist” and if an ego could no longer “exist,” because its thoughts and experiences are meaningless, thereby making IT meaningless, what would it BE? What would it DO?
So… is there something you’d rather be doing, even if knowing that anything you do is as meaningful or as meaningless as anything else? Because it seems you have NO idea what is good for you and, if you have NO idea what is good for you, then you can just go ahead and do whatever it is your doing in the moment your doing it.
This is how an ego plays infinitely, simply by realizing that it invents (thinks) meaning and applies it to every experience so that every experience CAN BE experienced. This is all an ego needs to realize in order to play infinitely. Because in that realization, the ego-self understands that there is nothing it need do and everything it does is as meaningful as anything else because everything is a meaningless egocentric invention chock full of meaning.
If everything is meaningless, nothing need be avoided and ALL can be engaged meaningfully, simply because, along with the absence of meaning, comes an absence of fear. Infinite players play fearlessly because they collapse ALL the meaningless into ONE meaning. When you have no idea what you should be doing, everything you do is as good as anything else that could be done or WAS done in the past.
Infinite players do not seek out games for which to achieve fulfillment, but are fulfilled in any and all games, because they are open to the meaningful surprise that comes from playing all games without meaning.
If you know what I mean…
Artwork by Chris Peters - "Late Afternoon"