Monday, November 29, 2010

Egocentric "Needs"

It's fascinating how you have invented umpteen "rational" reasons for quitting a relationship, but usually only one irrational reason for staying..."love."

Unfortunately, there are 6 billion relative conceptual renditions of "love," indicative of the fact that we don't have a clue as to what "love" is or if it can even be defined absolutely or merely remain as relative as anything else that eventually fades away and dies. Make no mistake, your experience of  any "awakened" non-duality depends more on how you see him/her than on how you see your 'self.' The proof is in the pudding.

Your job is to screw up the conventional coordinates that chain you to your conceptual past. Because, if you 'think' you KNOW, then clearly you can only continue to see what you've always seen and this delays learning what IS. The ego sees what it 'knows' and nothing more is available.

How can we go in search of love, when we have nothing but a trail of abstract platitudes for which to follow?

Many often jump from one body to another in hopes of finally discovering that elusive experience called "love." At first, it seems to magically appear causing a psychological swoon of temporary insanity. The ego-self seems to recede back upon itself and is no longer as demanding or grasping. In the initial stages, the egocentric goal of self-preservation/actualization seems to evaporate, if only for a time. The fear of self-annihilation is suddenly overcome by the natural drive to fully engage in unification. The world slowly dissolves into invisibility, as you make contact with your non-conceptual and unconditional Deeper Spirit.

Nevertheless, eventually you resume your usual egocentric orientation to reality and gradually come to the realization (after days, months, years) that his/her love is not equivalent to yours. You have now come face to face with the absurd myth of incompatibility, as if any egocentric 'self' can truly be compatible with another. Subsequently, you come to realize that your “needs” are not being met and, as every ego-self knows, not to have needs met is not to self-actualize and egos must always self-actualize or die. In your world experience, there is either growth or death. The ego-self is a mass of conflicting desires, each negating or canceling out the other, as the ego-self struggles to maintain some enduring sense of itself. It's no wonder you need sleep, since you spend everyday in the exhausting task of holding your fragmented 'self' together and rigidly maintaining that fragile and tenuous thread to the "I" that is daily confronted with actualizing itself against other egocentric identities.

So, how rigidly are you attached to your “I"? How important are its "needs"?

Since that may become the deciding factor on whether you stay or you go. On whether you extend or contract. On whether you will or will not tolerate the intensity of their identity in conflict with yours. This is because egocentric “love” is a business exchange and to invest, demands a return on that investment. Make no mistake, every ego gives... to take. What the ego-self wants in return is that its “needs” are met. Unmet needs mean a non-actualized ego-self and an ego-self blocked from actualizing is a betrayed ego-self and a betrayed ego-self can become very vicious, indeed.

Yet, maybe you can agree to acknowledge that you have different renditions of love and discard them completely. This leaves you both open to discover the Deeper Spirit of each other, that can only be discovered together, and allow it to take you by 'surprise.' It may actually be something you’ve never contemplated (agree to discard your love concepts and this is guaranteed).

In fact, love may not have a damn thing to do with your getting your needs met, which means it doesn't have a damn thing to do with you, or that identified package of beliefs you unconsciously refer to as "you," over and over again, everyday, ad nauseam. Wouldn't it be a real humdinger if all your so-called 'unmet' needs were no longer the reason to quit and, instead, discovering what love really is becomes a reason to stay. To explore and discover together the non-duality of Christ Consciousness. To play infinitely in the world's finite games.

Nevertheless, make no mistake, every relationship you quit is an assertion that you KNOW what love is and the person you’re quitting doesn't…

…and that’s pretty damn arrogant of you, don’t you think?

 Artwork by Michael Hussar - "Daddy's Girl"


  1. Have mercy, but that is a disturbing piece of Hussar artwork. I want to say hideous, but disturbing will do.

    Sometimes it IS that when one hits the foggy bottom where definitions have lost their defining powers, insight rises. Love can never be a bargain, as old eden abhez once said, but I guess one doesn't always realize one expects one after all.

    Intense post. Sometimes, I think simple companionship is the best that can be achieved, but people do tend to have great expectations which will thwart the simple every time.

    "...if you 'think' you KNOW, then clearly you can only continue to see what you've always seen and this delays learning what IS."

    Now THAT is true.

    A good post. I read it twice.

    Your Friend,

  2. Thanks Nahnni!

    As you can see...writing is my therapy. I apologize for not getting back to you as I should. But I can never predict when the coaster is going up or coming down, LOL.

    Hope my good friend is doing very well...

  3. I do agree with Nahanni on the art work, it is disturbing and yet wildly hypnotic, I found myself staring at her for awhile.

    Nahanni already pulled out my favorite line on caution to the all knowing dance. I know that dance well enough and seem to tap it out when love hurts the most. Kinda silly but it is a means to protect the self perhaps.

    The next time I feel such need to blow grandness of all knowing I should just yell, "shut up, I can't take it my feelings are hurt." I wonder if this is really what I mean.

    Ah, who the heck knows, I am just mucking up your tidy comment section now and talking out loud about nothing!

    I saw you and Nahanni and simply felt the need to drop in for a visit with you both.

    Thinking on you mikeS...truly am.


  4. All kinds of feelings, needs, etc. seem to come up. There seems to be an ego at play, albeit a tremendously less needy one. Outcomes are unimportant, but get back to me on that one if the welfare of my children seems to be the story at hand! Lots of delight at what is, even some of the "negative" stuff. Generally, the "I" that serves as a handy point of reference does a good job of ignoring all the conditioned mind-gunk and accompanying feelings! Whatever, it says.

  5. No One, seem attached to that word "seem."

    But I suppose it is an apt metaphor...

    Always good to hear from you...
    (Of course, I can't be 100% sure about that. But that does seem to be the case)