Charge of the Light Brigade!

Frequently, intense and somewhat heated exchanges occur in discussion forums focusing on spirituality. Usually, this is handled with civility, however, often it tends to create bad feelings amongst individuals and, although, this may rise up occasionally, most tend to seek out greater civility and make apologies as necessary.

But this is life, boys and girls! These discussions are microcosmic representations of life itself, merely abridged and abbreviated.

Yet, lo and behold, we have the charge of the Light Brigade! Because they refuse to enter into the often dark depths of engagement, and often are disengaged from most conflicts of life, the lightworkers come to our "emotional rescue." They seek to spread peace and light in the hopes of redirecting hostilities, but merely make the participants feel even more guilty for their conflictual engagement.

Who could not feel guilty when the interaction they recently engaged in was anything but "peace and light"?

Thank god for the lightworkers and their clichés of love and godliness; with their comfortable pithy quotes from the master teachers of light.

Sometimes I want to ask, are you real? But that would be too controversial and so, It would go unanswered.

I sense their presence always, out there in the margins, rarely engaging except to post a quote from the venerable in the hopes of saving the discussion from death by negativity. Disagree with their means and you instantly indict yourself as in league with the positivity sucking devils of darkness.

Conflict is anathema to the lightworkers who define life as merely the spreading of positive "vibrations." We must remain positive at all times. Philosophical negativity is shunned because, as their creed demands, negativity in all its forms can never have any value and can only lead to more negativity. Negative interactions can have no cathartic effect in aiding individuals in seeing more clearly the views they hold. Life is chock full of conflict and most is of our own doing, individually and collectively. Yet, we tend to grow through spasms of pain and suffering. We watch others struggle to make sense of anger and depression and we identify with them, because their struggle is ours.

Most of us, that is, but not the lightworkers. They seem unusually immune to the conflicts the rest of us poor folk plod through. But if only we would just seek the light, all our troubles would be gone, "come into the light, Caroleanne, come into the light!"

But we are!

For the lightworkers, dirty laundry stinks and so we must quickly wash away our issues and problems with lots of soap and water. Remember when you mother washed out your fowl mouth with soap? You continued to use the ‘F' word even more ferociously! ( well, maybe that was just me)

No, dear friends, we must always shed our light upon the world, because darkness has no value. Ahh... but without darkness to define your seeking the light, how would you define your "self" and the very project you are engaged in?

Forget the deep-seated ancient issues and the wounds crying out to be healed. Just pour pink paint over them and everything will be all better. I avoid lightworkers like the plague, since they deny us our struggle, and merely provide 'lip-service' the aphorisms of the ancient lightworkers.

They deny LIFE.

These frightened folks tend to rile me more than the complex exchanges between ideological opponents seeking common ground. It's almost as if there are no problems that their positive thinking can't solve.

I meet these individuals in my work on a daily basis and have come to see this as a feint, a delusion, a foil, because under all their peace and light is a boiling cauldron of emotion just waiting to come to the surface and murder everyone in their path.

They scare me...

"Don't you dare," they seem to say, in their desperate need to hide from their own emotional self.

Here ye, oh, lightworkers of the world:

You are not saving the world by spreading your light. The light comes from intimately understanding one another within our depths, not from deflecting that understanding through platitudes that seek to offset negativity. Face your fears through another. Intimacy demands discomfort in vacating all our pretty ideological boxes and packages. Your "light" merely prolongs the inevitable intimacy that our conflict has the potential to bring.

Throw away your pithy quotes and your scripts from the "masters."

I ask... WHAT SAY YOU! Will you give me honesty or just more of your "light."

Mature conflict is encouraged in the often painful search for the truth that is discovered by all differently. Even immature conflict is warranted as long as adults can apologize for their mistakes of the mouth. If you are afraid of conflict, you are asked to risk you plastic sense of peace and seek the intimacy that true depth of engagement brings. Real peace is not born of new age platitudes and clichés, but of engagement. Swim in my depths and I will join with yours in our own Intimate Awakening.

Spreading of light allowed, but only through depth of engagement.

Spiritual Enlightenment of the "Everyman"

Could it be that once you choose to take a “spiritual path” you then cannot possibly be on one?

Does your spiritual path help you differentiate your ‘self’ from others? Are you somehow different from those ‘ordinary’ souls who have not yet consciously chosen a spiritual path? Maybe they will choose “spirituality” in the next life or the one after.

Thank god, you are evolved!

But if this is what you SEE, how could you be?

Always differences made of “judgment.” This is how the guilty seek reprieve from the world in order to embrace a fraudulent sense of innocence. But true forgiveness collapses all levels and observes that in our differences we are joined as One.

Did you catch the breaking news? Change is no longer certain! This is because time is vertical and not horizontal. We merely experience centuries of believing we're different, while we've always been the same.

I recently came across this monumentally profound quote from another “spiritual enlightenment” website (and there seem to be millions of awakened ones teaching awakening):

“The sole purpose of the universe is the evolution of the individual spirit-consciousness”

Of course, that makes perfect sense!

Yet, I wonder if my rather un-spiritual, non-religious, Nascar-loving neighbor Bob, knows that "the sole purpose of the universe is the evolution of the individual spirit-consciousness."

Hmmm...I'll bet he doesn't. Well... he's a nice guy, anyway... so... I wonder if it matters if he doesn't know that "the sole purpose of the universe is the evolution of the individual spirit-consciousness"?

Sadly, most spiritual theorists fail to grasp the paradox and merely mouth antiquities. Words like “sole” and “individual” seem poor teaching tools, since ego yelps with glee at what those words actually signify.

Now it can comfortably settle back on its cushion and say 'so-long' to the world of “illusion.” It can gloat over how splendidly it has transcended egoic material wants and desires and revel in its austerity. Now it can forget the troubles of the world in its quest to awaken to “truth.”

But what of the rest of us?

Are we NOT seeking? Are we nothing but mundane and ordinary working-stiffs, blinded by our ignorance?

What of the “everyman” who toils in slavery to the world’s conditioning, is he NOT “spiritual”? He must be, for if he is not, how can you be?

Do not forget the 'everyman' of the world, for he is YOU.

Where is the division? What imaginary thin line separates you from him? Do you really think, all smug and spiritually complacent on your cushion, that you are different in some way? Is your "awakening" merely nothing more than a contrast, rather than an end to all contrasting? Has your “spiritual path” caused you to inadvertently look down upon the everyman. Do you pretend or deny consciousness of this disengagement? Do you believe your enlightenment will save them?

Who do you think you are, God?

When you experienced that whiz-bang of the 4th Jhana, were they with you? If not, than what good was it?

What happened to "no child left behind"?

Crawl down in the ditch and engage with your world, because without them you are merely a caricature of a self, mouthing the pithy quotes of the venerable. Awakening is intimate engagement of the many to discover One in the world. You can’t do it alone.

Get off your cushion. Enlightenment is engaged and anything less is more of the same blah, blah, blah.

But then...so is this...Ha!

CONVERSATIONS WITH EGO: "Serious Business"

ego: Uh…Mike, what are you laughing at?

Mike: Haha! What I just wrote! Teehee. LOL!

ego: Mike, don’t you think you should be taking our spirituality a little more seriously?

Mike: Huh? Why? And what do you mean "our" spirituality?

ego: Mike, you know we're in this together and nobody’s gonna take what you write seriously if you act as if this is all a big joke. Besides, “enlightenment” is serious business!

Mike: Well, maybe it is a “big joke.” In fact, maybe God’s laughing his ass off with all our serious spiritual and religious bullshit!

ego: Mike! We cannot have this! Spirituality is serious business and you gotta stop fooling around. There’s important work to be done!

Mike: Says who? You! You take everything so damn serious, no wonder most days I’m a mental case!

ego: I am truly shocked by your attitude! The world’s ancient spiritual paths and religions are based on centuries of serious teachings, taught by serious “masters.” You can't just disrespect the teachings with your lame comedy bits.

Mike: I thought we were trying to break from the past.

ego: Uh…well…yes… we are, but keep in mind that I am a product of your past. Therefore, for you to exist you must accept the past in me.

Mike: Well, maybe by no longer taking spirituality so serious, I no longer have to take you serious and life might become a bit more enjoyable around here.

ego: Enjoyable! Mike, life is suffering and sacrifice and you know that, since I’ve spent years teaching you. How could you forget? Now mike…you need to keep in mind that I assisted you in acquiring all the important stuff you now know. You need to take this seriously, dammit!

Mike: Hmmm…maybe what you fear is that, if spirituality becomes a big joke to me, you’ll also become a big joke, since you seem to thrive on my taking everything seriously, especially the so-called “important stuff."

ego: Mike! Stop this now! You need to get with the program like everybody else and stop this foolishness.

Mike: See ya…

ego: Mike... wait… Mike! Don’t do this………..Mike?

CONVERSATIONS WITH EGO: Leaves on a Stream

ego: Hey Mike! What about lunch, aren’t you hungry?

Mike: Shhhh…can't you see I'm trying to meditate?

ego: oooh, sorry….Hey! wait a minute... if that’s true then why were you just thinking about your girlfriend from high school?

Mike: Good grief! I thought we went over this already? Don’t you remember what we were taught? Thoughts come and go and I have to just allow them to pass "like fallen leaves on a stream."

ego: Uh...okay, but I don’t think this hunger is gonna pass like leaves on a stream.

Mike: Damn! Why’ does it always have to be about you?

ego: But, Mike, I only have your best interests at heart.

Mike: Then let me meditate in peace. Don’t you realize I’m trying to awaken to my true nature?

ego: Oh, okay….but, how can you awaken to your “true nature” if you have to let it pass "like fallen leaves on a stream."

Mike: No! It’s the thoughts that pass like "fallen leaves on a stream," not my true nature. My true nature is the end of all thought.

ego: Ooooh! Okay, I get it…..but then….how will you know when it’s time to eat?

Mike: Well…Oh, I don’t know! That's not important! Why are you asking so many questions? I just need you to shut up and cooperate with these spiritual practices so I can start making some progress here.

ego: To get enlightened?

Mike: Yes! To get enlightened, dammit!

ego: Ok, I get it now….but….don’t you think we should we eat first and then get enlightened? I mean…if you stop thinking… we might starve!

Mike: (sigh) Ok, fine! Let’s eat first….

Modern Gurus and Psychiatric Disorders

Here’s a great post (Shame, Guilt and Guru's Blood from What Enlightenment??! Blog) on the teaching practices and approaches of the populist modern guru, or “enlightened bad-boy,” Andrew Cohen. The report of his enlightened antics is rather long but deeply interesting and the comments of others are "enlightening" as well.

It seems that many of our modern enlightenment gurus may in fact be afflicted with various psychiatric disorders. Narcissistic personality disorder, varying degrees of schizotypal and low-grade schizophrenia, and of course, the roller coaster symptomology of bipolar affective disorder. Bipolar disorder is composed of a manic stage and a depressive stage and Cohen seems clearly afflicted with this neurochemical imbalanced condition..

Manic phase of bipolar disorder

Signs and symptoms of the manic phase of bipolar disorder may include:

• Euphoria
  
• Extreme optimism
• Inflated self-esteem
• Poor judgment
• Rapid speech
• Racing thoughts
• Aggressive behavior
• Agitation
• Increased physical activity
• Risky behavior
• Spending sprees
• Increased drive to perform or achieve goals
• Increased sexual drive
• Decreased need for sleep
• Tendency to be easily distracted
• Inability to concentrate
• Drug abuse

The depressive phase consists of sadness, hopelessness, extreme anxiety, guilt, irritability, problems concentrating and various other depressed symptoms. Yet, we are not drawn to the depressed guru, (boring!) but the manic eccentricities of the enlightened ones. Not to be eccentric is a sure sign of normalcy and a failure to be “awakened.”

Psychiatric symptoms are clearly evident in some of our most revered modern gurus such as Jed Mckenna, Ken Wilber (actually Jed's a bit more narcissistic than Ken), Adi Da (clearly, also shizotypal as well), Osho (now there’s a real neurochemical imbalance, yet the popular spiritualists all over the internet still seem to constantly quote the guy), and numerous others.

Andrew Cohen is certainly a prime candidate for medication therapy. Unfortunately, the claim of being “enlightened” easily masks the symptomatic behaviors and we all, schmucks that we are, suffer as well from the cult of personality and our own endemic and indigenous "dependence personality disorder" (this seems even more rampant within the ranks of the followers).

Cohen’s practice was to embarrass and insult his “students,” have them perform shameful acts, head shaving, standing still for long hours performing “penitence,” remaining immersed in cold water, etc, etc, the list goes on and on.

Ha! But guru-loving schmucks that we are, we continue to buy this guy’s magazine and engage in his prescribed “practices.” Numerous other so-called 'modern' gurus line up to join Cohen’s brilliant 'enlightened' marketing machine. Popular Gurus such as Ken Wilber, Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, et al, suck at the Cohen marketing teat with no reservation, because let’s face it, enlightenment is one thing, the marketing of your enlightened status is a whole other ball game.

This spiritual celebrity game has garnered Billions of dollars from the unsuspecting collective seeking to “awaken” to some other reality only to be immersed in the same ego-games they sought to leave behind. It seems to me that similar to the exposing of the wall street cons and criminals, the spirituality ego-games will need to go through such a deep cleansing. Yet, these shysters are much more difficult to expose due to the elusive nature of the "enlightenment" project. Maybe the project should be discontinued since, with all the so-called 'enlightened ones' that have 'appeared' throughout history, we still seem hell bent on mutually destroying ourselves.

That leaves us to ask, "so then, what good is 'enlightenment' anyway"?

If you want to experience “awakening” from a madman, get committed to the asylum.

If you want to “awaken” to truth then look to the ones you love to show it to you.

Either way, it's your choice!

Perfect Peace is "Enlightenment"

Peace has always been the purpose of this blog. Contrary to the fact that I tend to stir the pot of the conventional ego-games, that we refer to as "spirituality," and get some folks a bit irritated in my questioning of the accepted sacred concepts.


However, the problem is that your ego-self is rarely at peace and defines itself specifically through conflict. It grits and grinds against its experience of reality as if that experience were actually opposing it. Why would an ego-self construct experiences that seem to be against itself? Why else would it engage in the conflict of adopting a spiritual path (often grueling) if not to acquire (get) a complete cessation of conflict?

Ahh… but are conflict experiences really counter to the ego or do they in fact give it a sense of 'real' existence?

Who would “you” be without conflict? The ego-self constructs dualistic experiences for which to know itself as separately engaged in its 'world.' What would life be like without problems to solve, justified battles to wage or obstacles to overcome? Doesn’t life often seem like nothing more than a series of problem-solving events? What are you competing for in all the ego-games you play? Through what rewards and outcomes do you define "happiness"?

If your ‘self’ experienced no conflict how would it know itself? Could you know your ‘self’ in Perfect Peace , totally and completely absent of all conflict? Could you experience a conflict-free world and still know your ‘self’?

To understand your ego-dynamics is to be at peace because you realize the "true nature" of the 'games' you play. The mind that is completely conflict-free is in perfect peace. Variable “happiness” is actually to experience, at varying degrees, reduced conflict and requires nothing external be acted upon to in order to achieve it. You need do nothing and it just may be all your relentless 'doing' that promotes experiences of continued conflict.

However, your ego-self knows itself through acting upon its experience of world. For an ego-self, not to be 'doing' is not to BE. Is it any wonder that "productivity" is worshiped as the means to "happiness."

Think of all the times you have felt truly "happy." Were they not times when conflict seemed no longer present in your experience? Win the Lotto million dollar jackpot and you will believe that "happiness" has finally been secured, because in that instant you will simply conceptualize your ‘self’ free of conflict (no doubt it will return along with the conflict that money inevitably brings). When you got that raise at work recall that, briefly, conflict dissolved. That new relationship or that new car or house seems to momentarily ease your conflicted mind. Are you happy you lost weight? Make no mistake, you believe you 'got' something valuable and all value in acquisition is nothing more than a belief that conflict has been resolved.

All your acquisitions serve to construct a conscious experience of momentary conflict alleviation. But, sadly, it never seems to last, because for an ego-self it MUST not last.

The ego-self must reject anything that demonstrates consistency since this would smack of an absolute. Note that the ego’s chief goal of ‘getting’ or acquisition allowed you to think that whatever you got solved your problems and in that moment conflict was gone. Yet, it only returns upon the realization that whatever you ‘got’ (ego-game rewards and outcomes) essentially solved nothing and frequently only brought more conflict.

Infinite players realize nothing needed be acquired for Perfect Peace to be realized. You need DO nothing. There is no such state of mind as “happiness” and seeking happiness is a hoax and a fraud that keeps you playing the ego-games of life in the hope of acquiring greater happiness. This allows no rest for your conflict weary mind.

Time to rest awhile….

What you seek is an absence of conflict and you can have that without even leaving your chair. A mind in perfect peace is an “enlightened” mind. To experience a complete and total absence of conflict is to be “awakened.” Isn’t this your “true nature”?

Nirvana is conflict free. Heaven is perfect peace. Perfect peace is perfect thought and this is attainable without the need for esoteric ideologies or austere practices.

Just recognize that conflict is a choice and choose differently in every moment.

Such an experience has nothing to do with an external world, but will radically alter everything you see. In fact, it’s available now, simply waiting to invigorate your experience of "self," if you could only be free of your conflict.

EGO DYNAMICS: Master Your Contextualized Experience

The ego-self is nothing more than a comprehensive and all-encompassing experience of the 'world' and the 'others' who seem to inhabit it.

It’s not “real’ in any absolute sense, except in the context of an ego-self demanding and contextualizing it as ‘real’ (I am assuming that you consider your ‘self’ real).

This experience of ‘reality’ is what the ancient wisdom traditions refer to as “illusion.” However, for centuries this reference has been rather inconsequential to the grand scheme of reality as the same experiences are compulsively repeated, on and on, ad nauseam. This is because the so-called “illusion” is contextualized by the ego-self (“you”) as a ‘reality’ that is deeply engaging and, therefore, is experienced as anything but illusory. This creates expectation as to the parameters of your experience. Consider how rarely your experiences deviate from your repertoire of expectation.

Teaching that your experience of reality is an “illusion” encourages disengaging from the richness of that experience because, as they teach, it is not ‘real’ but an “illusion.” Yet, the teachings essentially seek to aid you, because within this "illusion," that the ego-self contextualizes as “real,” comes a great deal of attendant suffering. Suffering that you experience as personal and as related to others and the world. Therefore, it would seem logical that the less engaged you are with the “illusion” of reality the less suffering you will experience. Anyone who claims that seeking "enlightenment" has nothing to do with an escape from suffering is fooling you and merely demonstrates that they are compromising with truth in their addiction to the ancient "enlightenment" agendas.

Nevertheless, the contradiction is that any reduction of suffering through disengaging merely further reinforces the experience of suffering as 'real.' Why else would you desperately seek a way out, if the suffering were not so vividly 'real'? From these ancient teachings, we have large pockets of the collective participating in 'insight practices' to aid in understanding this ancient teaching of illusory reality (maya).

But what drives them to seek an exit are the experiences of suffering that they have made real.

Note that to contextualize your experience of reality as "illusion" you must detach from it through practices that essentially seek to aid in attaining insight into the nature of reality as “illusion.” Once again, this engages you in a reinforcing circularity. Seek to understand it as illusion and you make it real simply through the desire to know it as not real or illusion.

However, what you may come to realize is that 'reality' is nothing more than experience (internal and external) that you have contextualized as 'real.' This does not deny your experience but puts it in the proper perspective.

Although the insight practitioners feel the outcome is worthwhile, the world is seemingly unaffected by these ancient esoteric wisdom teachings which attempt to countermand and essentially annihilate all your attempts at controlling your ‘reality.’

Control is anathema to the eastern religious ideologies. Yet, non-control is anathema to the ego-self.

This hypocrisy is unavoidable as you engage in practices that seek to inform you of the "illusion," yet still find yourself destitute due to the current "economic crisis." If you have a family to maintain, embracing the ideology that reality is an illusion does little to alleviate your fears for the future. Such fear can only obstruct your plans to attain some awakening insight into the actual nature of reality.

I would suggest that if you decide to invest belief in an illusional reality, get some good life insurance for your family. Thus, when you finally exit the 'world,' at least they will be protected. In addition, if you wish to follow the ancient teachings I would advise you to physically disengage from your family and the world at large and seek residence at a local monastery where you can, based on the teachings by others who supposedly disengaged, physically and mentally disengage with the world you so desperately seek to exit.

CONTROL VS NO-CONTROL

Or you may wish to consider that reality is nothing more than experience that you contextualize as ‘real" and that it has no other 'substance' or' form' other than what you project upon that experience. In so doing you can seek variable degrees of control to that experience and your meditative insight practices can be tailored to this effect simply because:

You are cause.

All religious-spiritual paths assert either ‘control’ or ‘non-control’ in the search for greater insight into your “true-nature.” Yet, both seek to change your current experience from one of suffering to one of bliss. The problem with 'non-control' is that it contradicts your current efforts at seeking control and thereby reducing suffering through various actions upon 'reality.' These actions serve to magnify and reinforce your further attempts to reduce suffering through acting upon your world.

Did you consolidate all your credit cards to reduce your debt? Problem solved. Did marriage therapy help save your eroding marriage? Problem solved. Did medical treatment alleviate your symptoms? problem solved. Did you apologize for your error? problem solved. Notice how your acting upon reality and seeking to control conditions contradicts the eastern teachings that “thoughts arise,” and experiences simply occur, so just forget about it, you have NO CONTROL.

"But wait, I just got a new better paying job, so how can I have no control?"

You cannot avoid feeling hypocritical in your attempts to control parts of reality, while engaged in practices that assert non-control of the whole. In altering physical reality, what you are acting upon is nothing more than your ‘experience’ of a world, since ‘reality’ is nothing more than experience and has no physical properties other than the contexts and concepts of the ego-self.

Surrender 'sensation' as conduit for experience and seek change at the source.

Your experiences are impermanent and therefore, extremely malleable, but only by attaining the deep insight of yourself as causative agent can you 'act' upon your experience in knowing that the ego-self is causative agent of all your experiences.

However, the rub is that the ego-self employs the parameters of past experience to engage with future experiences of ‘self’ and ‘world’ and this speaks to the adage that “there is nothing new under the sun.” Therefore, the only way to engage with any changed experience of ‘reality’ is to disengage from past experience as that which informs the ego as to what can be expected in the future.

You may contend that you often engage with experiences that seems wholly unexpected. Yet, I would respond that every experience you have ever encountered is completely predictable and not unknown to an ego-self that only realizes itself through ever-changing experiences within the realm of expectation (death is the only experience the ego-self cannot predict, yet it does vigilantly prepare through various means for that end).

However, if past experience is composed primarily of denying ‘self’ as cause, why would that not continue to be the primary factor in all future experiences? In fact, discarding expectation built on past experience will eventually culminate in the most unexpected and surprising experience that could ever be constructed.

That of God.

You may ignore this theoretical proposition as patently absurd. However, keep in mind that what you consciously ignore now is solely based on expectation from past experience. The past informs what can be currently accepted as conventionally “real’ in this present moment. The ego-self allows nothing more than what it expects and prepares for and this severely limits what can be experienced now. Unfortunately, you will not resolve your experience of suffering by employing the same experiences that caused the suffering in the first place. You will need to leap beyond what you know and experience beyond the boundaries of everything you have ever been taught to experience as 'real.'

Nevertheless, what all the ancient masters teach is that eventually you will understand reality as nothing more than your self-constructed experience of a reality that essentially does not exist, except as an experience in your mind.

Master the dynamics of the ego-self and master your experience of reality.

Good Luck With That!

EGO DYNAMICS: Absolving Guilt to Continue Playing

The ego-self is a ‘getting’ machine. Whether that getting is based on acquiring resources, money, pleasure, bodily allegiances, “enlightenment” or innocence, the ego-self strives to get or acquire.

Joining, for an ego-self, is useful only in relation to what can be obtained or secured for itself and ego’s will seek out alliances through limited joining to further individual progress toward additional acquisition or getting.

This is why so many spiritual and religious ideologies fail to capture mass, collective attention and, thereby, also fail to initiate positive world change. This is because most spiritual-religious ideologies teach an anti-egoic morality. These ideologies seek to undermine the ego’s raison d’etre, or reason for being, as that of ‘getting’ or "the pursuit of acquisition" (which we ignorantly refer to as "the pursuit of happiness." LOL!). This is replaced with a religious-spiritual morality of unification and joining. Unfortunately, anti-ego morality, although able to capture and contain some egos, has never presented a strong enough case against the ego-self's chief modus operandi of getting and acquisition.

Therefore, the easiest way for religious-spiritual institutions to engender greater ego participation in spiritual ideologies and their practices, is to tailor the ideology to conform to the act of 'getting' that egos have performed for centuries (note Christianity's "thou shalt not steal" commandment. As if God cares about your property rights!).

This dumbing-down of spiritual-religious ideology has been occurring over many centuries. You may deeply consider what the "Buddha said," but always recognize that the Buddha's teachings were tailored to the cultural era in which they were codified and taught. Examine any of the current neo-zen, modern non-dualistic or "Integral Christian" websites and blogs and this will be clear. The ego-self demands that the "ancient traditions" be tailored to meet the modern ego-self existence.

Eventually, all original ideologies must conform to the ego-self, rather than the ego-self conforming to the ideology. For instance, the Christian prescription “judge not lest ye be judged” is applicable only to a point, after which it is completely discarded by an ego-self that requires guilt be projected outward in order to further its own innocence. Insult me and, as my religious ideology teaches, I will seek to forgive you.

But steal from me, or commit some other high order transgression or "sin," and I will judge you guilty and righteously endorse your just punishment.
The ego rebels against dissonance and, if you believe yourself deeply spiritual or religious, your actions must conform to this belief, so as not to experience discord. This can be an incredibly arduous task due to the absurd ego-games we all participate in. Therefore, it's easier to tailor your spiritual beliefs than your actions, since the world demands conformity, and thus, the ego will compromise its ideological belief system before it compromises its 'getting' behaviors, actions and lifestyle.

This is how so many can amass personal fortunes beyond all reason, while being acutely aware that others exist in abject poverty.

While many egos may find amassing exorbitant personal wealth absurd and indictable as guilty (although most participate in it to some degree, but consider their participation "reasonable"), the ego-self that has spent a lifetime pursuing extreme wealth will easily rationalize this as innocent and morally acceptable and ally with other egos in confirming and proclaiming that justification (allegiances are a crucial component of the ego's shedding guilt).

This makes it easier to recognize that, while others live in poverty and die of starvation, the ego’s acquired wealth is deserved and justified so, "keep your hands off of my stack."

Capitalism was originally founded for just this purpose and the central tenet, that all egos can achieve great wealth amidst abject poverty, has been accepted and fully adopted by millions of egos who live out their entire lives conforming to that rationalization.

However, too many players in the games of capital-wealth acquisition (monetary-value) and the games become increasingly harder to play as the rules become more complicated and absurd. This can be seen with regard to the current rules of subprime mortgages, credit default swaps, structured finance trades, etc, etc, etc. Who but an alliance of elite specialized egos, could justify such absurdities that less astute egos could never even begin to understand. This makes the game accessible to only a few and the rules actually exclude players from the desired outcome (and rewards are limited simply because ego's conform to the "scarcity principle").

This is similar to organized religion in that, to be a member of the Christian Church you must know the basic rules of Christianity. However, to assert power within the Christian Church you must know the rules in much more depth.

Unfortunately, many of the egos who subscribed to the monetary-value ideology (and make no mistake, ‘playing the market’ is a game that has taken on religious proportions) are beginning to see how untenable it really is. This ego-game is losing its justification and now we are seeing repressed guilt rear its ugly head as we seek just punishment for the guilty.

This will require that participating egos seek to justify their actions through absolution of guilt and continued justification of the game rules.

The ego-self rarely reacts to its own egoic tendencies and tends to justify its actions and thoughts as normal. However, egos are quite adept at reacting to guilt in other egos. The ego-self strives to shed guilt primarily by projecting it outward, seeking to rationalize every decision it makes as innocent and necessary to itself. In fact, the ego is superb at rationalizing away guilt through justifying actions and behaviors, for how else could it continue to live in an absurd world and practice the absurdities that allow that experience of "world' to be perpetuated. In time, it all begins to seem so ordinary and normal - business as usual.

Look closely at your participation in the games of the world. Do you feel that many of the ego-games you participate in are absurd? How do you justify continued play?

OJ Simpson was able to enjoy playing 18 holes of golf, even though his ego-self could NOT deny that he had committed an act of murder. All that is needed is the right formula for shedding egoic guilt and rationalizing the act. Even though Simpson acquired few supportive allies, I tend to imagine he merely absolved himself of guilt through contriving a rationalization proving that what he did needed to be done (God?) and that none can understand this, but him. (similar to Hitler's "final solution" except that Hitler acquired many allies to his cause)

Many have justified similar actions through such a distorted egoic morality that can only be claimed by the actor (with or without allies), but allows the actor to live completely free of guilt and sometimes to continue playing ego-games that cause incredible suffering to others.

In fact, this was how the current Iraq war was waged (although a 'divine allegiance' was expressed because God is certainly the most valuable ally one could acquire). In fact, the egos that waged it were able to attain allegiance from other egos right from the onset. However, those same egos that once allied with the game, now attempt in numerous ways to deny complicity, shed guilt and acquire greater innocence so that they can again be seen as credible players in the ego-game of 'politics.'

The ego-self constructs experiences to assert it’s existence into a ‘world’ and to make that experience 'real.' These experiences must reinforce a sense of innocence to its actions, thereby, maintaining the experience of ‘world.’ Guilt tends to negate actions and must be avoided at all costs, so that innocence can keep the insane machine rolling along.

This is why so little has changed over the past two thousand years to terminate most ego-games.

Therefore, rather than change your actions, the ego constructs 'alibis' that seek to protect actions from guilt thereby perpetuating the experience of ‘world’ and the ego-games that reinforce that experience. Although severe economic changes are most likely on the horizon, it is doubtful that ego-games that seek to acquire extreme wealth will ever significantly change. This is because wealth acquisition has become the egos primary mode of 'self' awareness (simply examine how many people recently chose suicidal death over ending play in this crucial self-defining ego-game)

The ego-self could construct a different experience of ‘world’ in which it seeks to absolve itself of all guilt and performs only actions that perpetuate only innocence (some guy named Jesus is believed to have done just that). Problem is, that would indict it for past actions that no longer conform to the new construct and achieving innocence might be excruciatingly difficult due to that past guilt. However, you could forgive all past actions by completely dissociating from the past. But then, that would mean both guilty and innocent actions would cease to be acknowledged.

This means that “you” would cease to be as "you" now know your 'self.' Therefore, the question is, 'who' and 'what' would you BE?

Artwork by Pamela Wilson- "untitled"

Expect To Be "Surprised," But Don't Prepare For It

"Surprise in infinite play is the triumph of the future over the past. Since infinite players do not regard the past as determining the present/future, they have no way of knowing what has begun in the past. With each surprise, the past reveals a new beginning. Inasmuch as the present/future is always surprising, the past is always changing." ("Finite and Infinite Games," James Carse)

I’m not one for repetitive, compulsive quoting of the "masters" to bolster or reinforce my points (the Buddha said this, the Buddha said that, blah, blah, blah). Yea, sure, I've read what they say the the Buddha said, but what do you say that is free of Buddha?

This is why I’m always on the lookout for original minds (blogs) who don’t merely mouth the ancient “wisdom” quotes in some sort of "repeat after me" hypnotic spiritual trance. I’m very suspect of those who simply quote from the "ancient masters' to sell their brand, which is really nothing more than repackaged cereal. The new glitzy box looks modern enough, but the contents are the same sickeningly sweet Captain Crunch that I ate when I was a kid.

However, I believe the ancient masters advocated their ideas, not for the sake of blind adherence, but to be continually deconstructed, redeveloped and wrung dry of every ounce of meaning possible, only to be reconstructed and deconstructed again and again, on and on ad infinitum. 

James Carse is a retired professor of religion who has distilled years of religious study into a unique philosophical presentation. He sees the forest for the trees, while we continue to perseverate on which tree the Buddha would climb in order to reach the heavens. Of course, you can climb any tree you want, problem is the climb never ends and that’s a good thing. Unless, of course, you demand your ascent result in finally reaching the ‘top.’

But note that my interpretation of Carse may not be particularly agreeable to Carse. This is because the ideas, once in my mind, are mine to do with as I please (however, when I quote I give credit where credit is due).

This is what I’ve done with the concept of “surprise.” Surprise is conceptually equivalent to “awakening” and “enlightenment” (or any of those lofty specialized and sacred terms) except that you cannot ideologically prepare for it.

You cannot be a serious devotee of Buddhism or Christianity and be surprised. However I suppose you can be "enlightened" or "awakened" if that's what you're prepared for. 

Nor can you follow any path of non-duality and be surprised simply because you follow a “path” and all paths seek to take you somewhere (else, why follow a “path”) and some paths are very good at camouflaging the destination. Surprise has no path, yet there is an expectation of its certainty. But once you 'prepare,' the certainty is lost.

Nevertheless, any ideology that says, eat this, don’t eat that, practice this way, dress this way, talk this way and say only this, think only that, etc, etc, etc, is taking you somewhere and you will expect to get to that place by playing the game as the rules prescribe.To be “awakened” or “enlightened” is to prepare to meet the past in the future, because it's the past that guides the way. No doubt it will be a grand experience, but it will be exactly as you have prepared for it to be, since it comes from the past. You already know what you'll find because somebody else already found it.

To be surprised is to recreate the past through an, as of yet, undisclosed future that cannot be prepared for in any way. Expect to be surprised, but not in any way you could prepare.  

It too, will be surprisingly grand, but completely unknown until the moment of encounter. Spiritual 'surprise' can be expected, but not prepared for and this limits what need be done to prepare (and isn't that a relief!). It seems it is merely a momentary, unscripted encounter with a moment that has been stripped of any and all ideological prescriptions owned by the past.

How can you experience a moment free of the past when the 'teachings' are soaked and dripping with it. 

Surprise is an existential ‘nothingness” that tends to take the breathe away if the expectation is free of all preparation. This is the non-ideological “be here now” that doesn’t require you follow some esoteric, austere spiritual path. This is the workingman’s (and woman’s) "enlightenment." Many do experience surprise and only later do they attempt to apply an ideological interpretation to the experience. Of course, it then becomes part of the past.

But isn't the past what you sought to be free of?  

You can't prepare for surprise, because any preparation is limited by the failure to predict when and how it will be experienced. There are no road signs to measure progress, as in spiritual-religious paths. There is only an openness to ‘whatever.’

Can you live for ‘whatever’?   

The individual expecting surprise says, “I don't care what happens," but knows something must and expects that to happen 'whenever.' Now the ideological wall built up from the anxiety of preparing for outcomes crumbles and is obliterated by your, “whatever.” 'Whatever' means you can't be trapped in defining surprise especially after you've been surprised. This allows it to linger on, since it is not constricted by the need to define it by applying some 'spiritual' interpretation from the past.

Does this mean you become an insensitive clod?   

Hardly. When you have no care for outcomes you find it easier to experience that incredible "Lightness of Being" that has eluded you in your heavy practices of serious spiritual austerities, always measuring and doubting progress. Now you can let down your deluded sense of spiritual superiority and join the human race as we all seek for surprise with one another. This is because surprise excludes no one, since membership only demands you be conscious (and that just about covers everybody). You need not follow the rules of any spiritual path. However, you can if you so choose, I just wouldn't take it too serious.

Ha! But who can do that? This is anathema to an ego-self that must forever construct experiences in order to know itself, but by doing so alienates itself from its own experiences.  

So how 'ancient' is the spiritual path you follow? Does its ancient proclamations make it more authentic and austere for you? Will you be surprised by the outcome, or merely happy that you got what you prepared for? What good is that?

However, keep in mind that if the rules we make up become rigid and codified, or if you begin to perceive an outcome, then the rules must be changed.

Games without Frontiers vs. GroupThink

In the game of non-duality it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game. However, if non-duality is the outcome (reward) you seek, then you play to win.

The problem is always in the rules of the game and not the playing of games because everyone plays, but not everyone plays to win.

The ego-self demands rules for which to tailor its thought and behavior in order to achieve the identified finite outcomes available in all ego-games. This is because most ego-games are played to win.

You can't just play for the sake of playing and if you fail to demonstrate the requisite desire to win, you're quickly disqualified as not a real player. You'll find this conformance rule in just about every serious ego-game. Even games whose outcome is transcending all games requires that you take the rules very seriously.

Players tend to get frustrated if an outcome (conclusion) does not seem likely, particularly if they play by the rules, and this is because outcomes are valuable. Without the rules how can you get the prize? Try to change the rules and you will be met with derision and contempt. Besides, many of the rules have been followed for centuries, so who are you to deviate.

You must deviate.

You'll often get a taste of this in spiritual-religious circles in which attempts are made to terminate the discussion, such as "well, looks like we will never know" or "words will always fail us." The unspoken rule is that "this can not be talked about." Spiritual explorations seen as having no definitive conclusion are determined by consensus as having no value in advancing the outcome and are quickly extinguished.

Consensus is crucial to the spiritual game and if we're all in agreement, then how can the rules be wrong?

Rules by majority consensus (democracy) are often the most debilitating and stifling of all ego-games because they compel by asserting that all preceding rules (precedent) must be followed without a full understanding and disclosure as to WHY. Historical games can be frightening because players perpetuate a "repetition compulsion" and even when the games demonstrate that the rules are unsustainable, the rules must never change. Unquestioning adherence to historical rules leads to GroupThink.

"Groupthink is a type of thought exhibited by group members who try to minimize conflict and reach consensus without critically testing, analyzing, and evaluating ideas. Individual creativity, uniqueness, and independent thinking are lost in the pursuit of group cohesiveness, as are the advantages of reasonable balance in choice and thought that might normally be obtained by making decisions as a group. During groupthink, members of the group avoid promoting viewpoints outside the comfort zone of consensus thinking."

Rules are necessary and egos do not do well in unstructured games.

The ego-self, in predicting its chances of winning, will essentially attempt to reinvent itself in preparation for many serious ego-games. This requires it classify and categorize all competitive participants (other egos) as to their willingness to play by the rules and their level of play. Many are "masters" of the rules, while others are merely classified as beginners or "novices." The ego-self will adjust its thought and behavior in accord with the evaluated (judged) level of the player it interacts with and other players having attained higher rank or title will be deferred to, while others may even be revered.

However, non-players do not even exist in the arena of play that the serious player experiences. This is because ego-games exclude those who do not play by the rules and to participate you must play by the rules. Non-players are non-entities and this is why many egos are often happy when a corporation lays off thousands in order to increase profitability, which means the company's stock price goes up and many egos experience the thrill of winning, even though others (employees) are left destitute. To the serious player, those laid off are non-players and therefore, they don't really exist and need not be accounted for.

In fact, it's important for all egos to be categorized as to their willingness to play by the rules. All egos need to be 'classified' and if it appears you cannot be classified within the conventional brackets, then clearly you demonstrate disrespect for the game and are disqualified as a non serious player, or persona non grata.

This is easily discernible even in societal games in relation to the ostracism of social deviants who refuse to play by the consensual rules, as determined by majority, and are easily marginalized.

However, interestingly enough, in time, society often seeks to integrate many deviants and will often accept and integrate the deviant's rules, with some changes (dumb-down), into the accepted protocol, so that years later the deviant is celebrated as "visionary" or "master." Yet, this signifies a win or achieved outcome and makes the deviant a finite player (even if dead, since winners always live on in the minds of living players) who must relent to accepting the altered rules in order to win the "visionary" title, thereby making his/her rules simply part of the conventional, or serious, ego-games.

All ego's seek allies to further enrich their pursuit of winning (and will often ally with deceased players in a form of historical allegiance). Your allegiance, although valued by other egos, requires a serious adherence to the rules of the game as set forth by players before you who have been acknowledged as winners.

This blog eschews and minimizes the seriousness of all religious-spiritual ideology, or rules, but fully advocates that the games must be played. Serious players will see this as an indictment on the rules passed down for centuries and may seek to disqualify the lack of rules presented here as inauthentic and lacking the seriousness necessary to win the desired outcome.

Many ego-games have been played for centuries and the rules have never changed. Previous winners become the models, or "gurus," for future winners. J.P. Morgan is as much admired and emulated as Gautama Buddha, as a "master" of his respective game. The words of both have been immortalized and the rules they adhered to continue to guide even today's player.

All ego-games must have rules and all egos must play some game at some time. Not to play some game at some time, for an ego-self, would be indicative of non-existence. However, to play with no intention of winning is to play infinitely and forever.

Can you make up your own rules as you go along and change them anytime it appears an outcome is approaching? Can you play by the rules of society with no serious intent? Can you play NOT to win or will you eventually be lured in by the rewards of winning?

Just wondering....


Hans plays with Lotte
Lotte plays with Jane
Jane plays with Willi,
Willi is happy again
Suki plays with Leo,
Sacha plays with Britt
Adolf builds a bonfire,
Enrico plays with it

-Whistling tunes we hide in the dunes by the seaside
-Whistling tunes we're kissing baboons in the jungle
It's a knockout

If looks could kill, they probably will
In games without frontiers-war without tears
Games without frontiers-war without tears

Jeux sans frontieres

Andre has a red flag,
Chiang Ching's is blue
They all have hills to fly them on except for Lin Tai Yu
Dressing up in costumes, playing silly games
Hiding out in tree-tops shouting out rude names

-Whistling tunes we hide in the dunes by the seaside
-Whistling tunes we piss on the goons in the jungle
It's a knockout

If looks could kill they probably will
In games without frontiers-wars without tears
If looks could kill they probably will
In games without frontiers-war without tears
Games without frontiers-war without tears 
(Peter Gabriel)

Preparing for Your Predictions and Missing Everything Else

Preparation is an important aspect of all ego games. To prepare for experience requires predicting experience. The ego-self is committed to preparing for every experience you could ever encounter. In fact, even “be here now’ is prepared for as predicted.

Obviously, in order for ‘be here now’ to be experienced authentically, it cannot be prepared for, yet billions of individuals spend years in active preparation for just such an experience.

This is based on the ego-self prediction that it CAN be experienced. Once an experience is predicted as attainable, the ego then must devise a means through which to get it, since the ego-self is wholly subsistent on bodily ‘doing’ as indicative of ‘existence.’

All means of attainment are found IN the ‘world’ and this reinforces the experience of a ‘world’ as tangible and 'real.' Therefore, once the means have been determined as effective, based on the reports of credible witnesses (enlightened masters - the more the better) proclaiming the means as effective toward the ends, the ego then prepares to acquire the experience, as predicted, by investing in the process of ‘doing’ as justified by the collected accounts of credible witnesses. The ego attaches to a prediction and seeks out allies to justify that prediction.

Essentially, the means have been acquired from your experience of a ‘world’ for which to prepare to attain your experience of transcending that ‘world.’ How can the world teach outside its own knowledge base? Yet, we tend to hold all of this a perfectly logical (based on the 'world's' logic, of course) in direct relation to the credibility of the witnesses. However, the witness is an ego-constructed experience as well, so how can an egoic experience teach transcendence of ego?

The problem is circular because if you did not believe in your tangible experience of world, you would not look to the world to save you from yourself. But how can what causes your suffering save you?

The experience of a ‘master,’ which teaches your salvation from worldly suffering, is the very same experience that reinforces your suffering (makes it real) because of your investment in teachings from a ‘world.’ There are no witnesses to timelessness that are not entirely bound to time, since that is where you look to find them and receive their predictions. Preparing for timelessness reinforces time based on the predictions time provides and requires that you prepare for.

“Be here now” is an experience that cannot be predicted nor prepared for. Any preparation based on predictive ideology will create an experience that conforms exclusively to that ideology. So, in fact, you will acquire experiences (some very grand indeed) but if based on any prediction as to what that experience is composed of, you will give yourself what you expect to have, but interpret it as NOT of your doing.

The ego thrives on preparing for experience and thus demands predictions to aid it in that preparation. Your whole life is based on preparing for predicted outcomes and this is often referred to as playing “finite games.” We plan goals and objectives for which to measure ‘self’ value, but usually based on standards and means provided directly from our experience of ‘world’ in order to tailor our experience of ‘self.’ Your experience of a ‘world’ teaches you an experience of ‘self’ in complete denial that you constructed your experience of ‘world’ to begin with. There is NO division.

The ‘infinite game’ is aware of the predicted standards, but does not prepare based on those standards. We may see many who play this infinite game in the coming severe economic collapse, since they are highly adaptable to each and every game played. This is because they are not bound by the expected outcomes as predicted and thus they engage in very little preparation other than seeking a sense of deep quietness so that what naturally comes into experience is NOT missed.

When you are not bound by predictive measures, you no longer prepare for experiences that lead to outcomes and this means you are open to surprise, which for some is a much more meaningful experience as long as it is not used to make further preparations. You cannot allow surprise to predict ideological direction or make preparations from it, since it came from a complete absence of prediction.

Take the time to recognize all the experiences you prepare your ‘self’ for, because this preparation gives you what you expect based on prediction and this is how we construct, or as the LOA advocates report, “attract” our reality. In fact, essentially you have prepared for every experience including death.

No doubt, death will be exactly as you have predicted based on the world’s standards and so, you are prepared for just that and only that. Yet, preparation has a tendency to stifle what could be experienced if experience was not predicted and prepared for. This is because the Truth will have nothing to do with your predictions, based on what your 'world' teaches. Preparing to experience your learned predictions merely stifle awareness.

All spiritual ideology seeks to predict and, based on those predictions, teach you the proper preparation. We all employ such ideology to some extent and the most authentic ideology seeks, not only to annihilate the teacher, but the teachings as well. The best ideology will take you to a point in which it becomes irrelevant. You will not prepare for irrelevancy and this is your best option for surprise. When all predictions becomes irrelevant, surprise replaces prediction, through the option of letting go all preparation and prediction and allowing for surprise.

Yet this is can be a frightening prospect for the ego constructed entirely from prediction and continuously constructing experience in such a manner. This is why experiences are so completely bounded by expectation and rarely will you leave the realm of experience as predicted and prepared for.

However, there is the concept of the “miraculous,” or experiences outside the realm of prediction. Miraculous or surprising experiences are available. However, you must be 'still' internally to have such experiences since all internal chatter is nothing more than your constant ideological predicting and preparing for experience.

So, simply, sit still and be surprised!

EGO DYNAMICS: The Delusion of Perception

The ego-self is a context of consciousness which constructs its own context we refer to as "perception" through which to experience objects of consciousness. Since the ego-self is itself an object of consciousness it creates a separate experience it calls "perception" for which to have an experience of 'world.'

Perception is a way of experiencing your ‘world’ by keeping you in a frame of reference divided off and separated from other concepts or 'world.' Therefore, you must perceive your world to 'know' it, yet you claim to undeniably ‘know,’ or conceive of, your 'self.' You can conceive of mind and thought, but you believe that you can only ‘perceive’ a world. Yet, the paradox is that everything is conceptually conceived IN consciousness because there is NO "outside" through which perception is required.

Perception relies on judging differences from a ‘value-scale.’ Value creates inequality of perception and this is what fuels perception. This is because without inequality, no differences could be perceived and if no differences were perceived the ego would be done for.

Without ‘value’ nothing could be perceived at all, since your experience of others and the world is completely predicated on a value hierarchy that has many facets, both deep and surface. Value determines what is perceived and the ego demands this judgment be provided by the senses of a 'gross' concept we refer to as body. Therefore, the body is an object of perception along with other objects of consciousness, but it is ego ordained to perceive a 'world' through which to experience itself. It is a delusional tool that can no longer serve a purpose once the origin of experience is realized.

The body is a ruse, since the ego constructed the experience of ‘mind’ through which to experience itself. Ego-self simply demands the body ‘perceive’ because if the mind were conceptualized as the origin of perception (thus conceiving a 'world' as nothing more than a construct of consciousness) this would have grave implications for the ego’s need to separate, or project itself away, from the objects of consciousness. It would, in fact, make the ego face itself as that which constructs experience instead of the body 'perceiving' an external world which is then experienced in 'mind,' (only after it is perceived). If that were true than the ego would simply be another object of consciousness completely equal with all other objects ("objects" meaning anything awareness can grasp). Actually, It would BE all objects and not a separate construct. This is because consciousness does not differentiate and has no need of judgment abilities, because 'abilities' are a product of an ego-self context.

All “awakening" processes create brief experiences of complete equality. No matter how brief these experiences are, they can be quite exhilarating. However, it is still the ego-self experiencing itself momentarily engaged in an equalized playing field.

There is a tendency for these experiences to alter perception of the world. These experiences have a way of kindling a strange sense of 'close' engagement with one's experience of 'world,' as boundaries are suddenly loosened and become less concise and rigid. However, boundaries between objects of consciousness must remain for an ego to 'exist.'

It seems that authentic "enlightenment" is always experienced with and through another and solitary experiences are inadequate, since they merely reinforce boundaries rather than diminish them. This is because, out of all experiences the ego-self could construct, it is the experience of ‘others’ that is most profound and most valued and, interestingly enough, this seems to give us the most problems.

These equalizing moments, or experiences of perfect equality, can be life altering and world changing. Nevertheless, equalizing experience is frightening to an ego-self that will resist such an experience as detrimental to its continued experience of 'existing.'

If you closely examine the the obstacles of your life you will recognize that this resistance was cause. On the other hand, recall your defining moments and you will see that they were times of least resistance. This explains our intermittent attraction and revulsion to one another, since we both fear and desire such a grand unifying experience. This attract-resist ego dynamic is most profound in your 'intimate' relationships and you can easily watch the dynamic played out from moment to moment, day to day, year after year.

So, Good Luck With That!

EGO DYNAMICS: Constructing Experience

I'm experiencing the ego-self right now, as are you experiencing your ego, or self-concept 'package.' This experience is about as inconsistent as you could imagine. In fact, that's exactly how you do imagine it.

When you awoke this morning did you plan your 'day'? Did you make decisions on doing this or that? Ego-self is the protagonist in all your predicting and preparing. "You" are ALWAYS directly engaged with experiencing your 'self' through realizing parts and never a whole. You could never NOT be engaged with ego-self, since you would NOT 'exist' if you completely detached from your circular experience of 'identity.'

"You" are the context of every experience "you" encounter, because you constructed the experience in order to encounter it. Understand the ego-self dynamics and you understand the mechanics of experience.

Many spiritual paths seek to annihilate that context in the belief that there is some underlying context not reliant on "you" being a "you."

Yet, take out the "you" as subject, and there would be nothing to experience (object), since every experience is subjectively encountered and interpreted. "Awakening" is meaningful and therefore, "you" will experience the meaning you intend it to be. This will be based on the ideology you enter into it with. What you go in with is what you come out with, only magnified by the intensity of altered/heightened states of consciousness.

Even the glorious "egoless" experience that many so desperately seek, is itself an ego experience. Seek and you shall find, simply because you have constructed it to be experienced.

Ego-self interprets, and even 'names,' everything it experiences ("banana," "dog," "god," "enlightenment," "ego," "orgasm," "consciousness," etc, etc). This provides an undeniable sense of 'reality' and seems to help increase mutual understanding of experience, but only barely, since you could never fully understand MY experience nor I, yours.

I have noted that my "parsing" of ego-self experience has tended to anger some folks, particularly when I start at the top (the ultimate experience of "enlightenment") and work down. When, in fact, this understanding of ego dynamics may aid in understanding the specialized concepts we tend to provide a religious observance to, without realizing this compulsion for 'sacred' contexts actually impedes experience.

Maybe the easiest method toward "awakening" is to simply understand the ego dynamics that determine the context, and conduct, of your life. The fact, that you have named and given meaning to some event in time as an "awakening" means you will have it exactly as you have contextualized it, based on the ideology that taught you how it should be contextualized in order to be experienced. This digging into concepts need not be painful and can lead to that "lightness of being" we would like to experience in our lives.

THE EGO-SELF CONCEPT

You can name it anything you want, self, mind, consciousness, ego, big mind, awareness, Joe, Sally etc, etc, etc, (mine seems to be called "mike") the point is it's "you." You will carefully observe it by understanding the concepts it, or "you," idolize and associate with as 'truth.' No need to dissociate, just know what "you" associate to and how serious you take this association. This is exactly what I do by 'parsing' the dynamics of the ego. But this seems to cause anxiety and resentment in folks because, essentially people don't want to KNOW the concepts they adhere to in defining the 'self,' especially when those concepts have been made sacred. They proclaim:

Just "Be Here Now," and shutup, dammit!

Socrates' declaration "know thyself" becomes "know thy... 'self.' Your concepts inform "your" ego-self how to "Be Here Now" and, make no mistake, "you" will define that "now," (whether you wish to deny this defining or not) simply because it MEANS SOMETHING to "you." Denying your will to construct experience simply limits experiencing fully.

The ego-self must give meaning to every experience BEFORE IT IS EXPERIENCED or it would NOT mean anything at all. You would not experience that which is meaningless, simply because it would not exist in your subjective 'world.' Experience is conceptualized through interpretation. Every experience you have must be interpreted by your "self' for your 'self' to KNOW it at all. Anything you do not conceptually interpret denotes no awareness that it even exists.

But here's the rub, "you" construct experiences so that "you" can then interpret what you constructed. This is the 'infinite game.'

Many claim that I complicate that which is "simple." Actually, this is an attempt of ego-self to deny itself through specialized concepts, or platitudes, that tend to terminate all attempts to understand the concepts it constructs and lives by as 'truth.' However, some folks refuse to just "simply be here now" and they dig deeper into the mass of conceptual understandings the ego-self proclaims as truth, in recognition that "be here now" was constructed and interpreted by the ego-self merely to reinforce itself as 'real.'

Obviously, many would prefer nothing be said and this is the "fallacy of the sacred" and religions are fueled by it. The modern 'masters" proclaim, "just seek silence in the emptiness."

Ideological "enlightenment" programs (is there any other kind?) deny "you" as source. A completely "empty" and "silent" ego-self could not exist to experience the silence and emptiness. However, since it does believe it exists, it will construct experiences that it provides MEANING to, so that it can interpret that meaning in a circular reinforcing context of 'existence' or an infinite 'I AM.' It will attach nomenclature to those experiences by calling them "silence," "emptiness" and "enlightenment."

But what is it really? ; )