It seems as though we may need to differentiate between pain and suffering. Of course, we often use the metaphor of "pain" to define suffering, however, possibly pain is immediate and non-volitional, whereas suffering has a degree of volition to it. This may be why we define emotional suffering as emotional 'pain,' because who would choose to suffer emotionally. However, essentially, it seems this is actually what we all do.
If I stub my toe I will experience pain. If I choose to lament, in a prolonged manner, that painful episode I will 'suffer." In the experience of physical pain, I choose that it continue as suffering. The time it takes is my choice and I can cognitively extinguish my suffering at any time.
Is a 'broken heart' pain or suffering? I may express it as emotional 'pain' but, it seems that, inherent in the choice to love, is the choice to suffer. Pain is merely the metaphor for suffering and while I may refuse to express it as 'suffering,' deep down I realize I have chosen this experience and I can choose otherwise. If I stub my toe I cannot deny or negate my pain as it is unavoidable and undeniable. However, if you leave me for another, in my choosing love, I have chosen the potential to suffer. I can just as easily choose NOT to suffer and therefore, suffering is a volitional state of mind.
As is love.
But in saying this, do I denigrate or negate suffering? I don't think so, simply because to suffer for the right reason may be to reinforce growth. However, to suffer for the wrong reason is to repress growth. So what would be the right reason to choose suffering?
COGNITIVE CHOICE
Of all the psychotherapies available (which have evolved from the psychological theories themselves), cognitive therapy has been proven the most effective, even rivaling psychotropic medications as far as longevity of effectiveness and limited risk of relapse or remission.
The theory of cognitive therapy is based on Shakespeare's famous maxim, "nothing is neither good nor bad; but thinking makes it so." The chief theoretical proposition is that "it is NOT reality that disturbs you (suffering), but your own unique interpretation of reality, that disturbs your peace of mind." In other words, you disturb yourself.
One can have a debilitating disease or even a terminal illness and still NOT suffer or even suffer less than another person with the same illness. The idea that there are certain situations or events that require suffering is just that, nothing but an idea that requires that you choose to believe it.
BUT IS 'SUFFERING RATIONAL AND SHOULD WE CONTROL EMOTIONS
The studies have been replicated for the past 30 years and the results continue to demonstrate significant improvement through examining one's interior cognitive/thinking interpretations of life events, other people and most especially one self. I agree suffering may not be rational and is based on irrational interpretations, but either way it is a choice.
WE MAY HAVE MORE CONTROL OVER THE PAIN OF A STUBBED TOE THAN THE PAIN OF A BROKEN HEART
I agree it does seem to "feel" that way and society certainly tends to glorify suffering and sacrifice as the way to God. I tend to disagree and, in fact, hold the view that our conditioned need for suffering and sacrifice may impede spiritual correspondence.
POSITIVE THINKING IS A CRUEL IDEA TO LIVE UP TO WHEN ONE IS SUFFERING
I'm not sure what people mean by "positive thinking." Positive thinking has NOTHING to do with cognitive theory or therapy and this would be an oversimplification that minimizes from ignorance. (Seligman advocated a "positive psychology" several years ago but it is NOT based on cognitive sciences and has not made much ground since it is based on "happiness" )
Particularly in this society, we tend to experience our living based on our 'actions' and also base our personal value on what we have done and what we do. We spend much less time examining our thought patterns as that which defines our world, other people and ourselves. Many live in a "cognitive default" and fail to fully and adequately assess the interpretations and meanings that they base their actions on (this is clearly evident just by watching the news). Stop living like other people and learn to live by your own creative interpretations, rather than the interpretations you are expected to experience.
Fully examining one's interpretations and thus, beliefs, does not minimize grief and suffering and may, in fact, intensify such suffering, but for reasons based on one''s inner truth as opposed to what society and the world teaches is true.
People have a tendency to relate to others and the world from knee-jerk reactions based on unexamined assumptions resulting in downright irrational and fraudulent interpretations. This I refer to as "hell" and you may know of many who live in such a "place."
Cognitive theory allows a starting point to create a foundation for deeper spiritual development in the realization that my irrational interpretations were creating unnecessary suffering and impeding the depth of living I long for.
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