In my travels, I have met many individuals who are more inclined to "love by nature" and this means that they are less restricted by self-imposed 'protective measures' (pysho-emotional) which we all set up to avoid hurt or suffering. However, these folks tend to be somewhat surprised by the imposing of "conditions" by others. In my opinion, these "love by nature" folks tend to exhibit higher development within the social sphere.
Often the problem is not only that we are conditioned to adhere to multiple 'concepts of love' within our own minds, but we must then try to merge our variable concepts with the variable concepts of others. This is often exhausting and painful. (just look at the divorce rate!)
It seems we have a different concept of love for every type of "relationship" we engage in and this may result in confusion (and suffering), our own and others. There is a "special" love for the beloved and an exclusive love for our children. There is parental love and sibling love and extended familial love. There is a love for pets, a love of nature, I love my job , I love my car, I love what you say and I love that music, etc, etc.
Neverthless, It is true that we "inhabit bodies" and this seems to be the chief conditional factor in relation to the many "forms" in which love is expressed. Although this may tend to limit the expression, it does seem to be required in relation to the "bodies" we express love TO, through the meanings we attribute to all our varied and numerous relationship. ( I recognize we see significant others as more than bodies, my only point is that the bodies do tend to get in the way, spiritually speaking)
I have found that one of the most significant factors in most successful relationships is a deep love and secure relating with one 'self.' As the old adage goes "YOU are the only one who YOU will never lose or who will never leave YOU." If the relationship with 'self' is fragmented, this will be apparent in our relating with others.
Seeking a "wholeness" with regard to one's relating with 'self' seems to make a significant difference in how one relates to others. Therefore, 'whole' people tend to attract 'whole' people. These "wholistic" individuals seem to present a picture that expresses "I WANT you as an addition to me, but I do not NEED you to complete me as I am already complete."
On the other hand, "fragmented" individuals tend to seek out partners in regard to NEED. They present a picture of "I NEED you to complete me and thus my intrinsic value (ode to Wilber) is inherent in your NEEDING me, to complete YOU." This results in a particular imbalance in relation to NEED for completion, as opposed to WANTING you as addition to my already deeply secure and whole self. (in fact, I tend to believe that it is our underlying belief in our incompletion that results in desperate seeking outside as opposed to "within")
Wholeness does NOT need completion. The fragmented 'self' demands completion and seeks others as the means of that self-completion. Others may demand particular forms of love be expressed, but if I am secure, or seeking security "within" through my own wholeness (belief), the imposition of conditions by others tends to not distract me. If one "loves by nature" others may attempt to alter that love to fit their own conditions which come from a fragmented relationship with 'self.' However, a love expressed from 'wholeness' actually gives that love strength, making it essentially impervious to conditions set by others.
When you 'love by nature' there is little conscious recognition of the forms of expression and attention is applied only to content -love. We live in a world of forms and the content will naturally mold to the form (type of relationship) we are participating IN. As forms change the content will naturally unfold to meet the changing form.
I realize this is a bit cerebral, LOL! But I hope maybe it aids in some little way...
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